What Are Manners, Anyway?

So, here's the common complaint, especially from my British friends: Indians have no manners. My Scottish friend Nadia, who is a quarter Indian, came here to search for her roots. She was seriously disappointed, and the lack of manners was a huge sticking point. The same bothered my English friend John, as well as the Welch dynamic duo, Samantha and Ayesha. So, what is this issue? Do Britons simply have impeccable manners? Are Indians really social clods?

I suppose the issue really involves what constitutes manners. The most common complaint is the lack of such words and phrases as: please, thank you, excuse me, sorry, you're welcome. All of these can be demonstrated through a smile, a slight nod, or the famous Indian head wobble. And yet sometimes these gestures aren't even present. So, then, according to British standards, Indians simply suck when it comes to being nice and using the universally accepted manners.

Yeah right. Imagine if all 1 billion Indians were always polite. Nothing would ever get done! Imagine every person apologizing for each person they bumped into on the streets. No one would get anywhere. It may not really be feasible for Indians to have good manners, at least in the British sense.

But we do have other good manners that are easily overlooked by the simple traveler. The biggest one is the respect we show toward elders. You always show them respect upon greeting and leaving them...and elders are simply anyone older or more distinguished than you. And the issue with the feet! Whenever you accidentally point the soles of your feet in someone's direction, or accidentally touch that person with your foot, apologies are almost always forthcoming. These are manners in their own way.

And of course, many Indians would see manners as unnecessary, particularly when it comes to work. You shouldn't have to be polite just to get something done. For example, my cousin recounted an anecdote from his residency in London. Wanting to get a bus ticket to, let's say Bristol, he told the ticket seller "One ticket to Bristol." Seems like the appropriate thing to say. But the man tsked him and said "You mean, one ticket to Bristol, please." He wasn't going to give the ticket until my cousin said please. Now, his job wasn't to be the maintainer of social grace, but to simply give the tickets. My cousin, already irked by this, later noticed that two Britons said exactly what he had said, and they were given tickets without a moment's thought. So, perhaps racism, or putting the foreigner in his place...who knows. Doesn't seem much like manners to me.

So, are Indians gauche and socially inept? Are Britons superior in this fashion? I say that the concept of "manners" is a subjective one, and that my British friends should stop complaining.